Over the past 6 years I have been anxious and unsettled with self-inflicted stress. I say self-inflicted because whatever actions I'm taking to create change and a better life aren't working. I have let situations follow me to my present state of being. This is how it happened. Just over seven years ago I went through a long-term relationship break-up which was too closely followed by a so-called friendship with an individual that I wish to keep unnamed and undescribed for reasons being they don't deserve to be in my life ever again. These two situations took a toll on my emotions and the latter took a toll on my mind, body, spirit and self-worth; my spirit was most definitely broken - damaged. After finally shaking this situation out of my life, I took a nice breather ; I became calm and started getting to know myself for all that I went through in my life and for who I had grown to be. I felt peaceful for the first time ever. That peace brought me into 2009 and I was happy with who I was and where I was planning on going. I had come to an agreement with myself that no one will ever take care of me except me so I had better start giving a damn about myself - to the point where I was going to buy myself a promise ring . I have not done that yet but it's still in my plan. I have the exact ring picked out I just don't have the $$ to do it yet. Fast-forward to the end of month six of peacefulness, I met up with a high school 'date', whom I dated to two months way back when. We enjoyed each others company, though I stated without hesitation that I was not looking for a relationship; friendship would be enough for me at the moment. I'm not sure what happened to self-preservation but I let it go once again and moved away from the town I knew for 20 years to a brand new start with this person. It seemed like the logical thing to do even if it didn't have the feel of finally being home. This move brought on a whole new mixed bag of emotions. I lost the negative people in my life back there, (good!) but I also lost my friends, I lost my quick trip to the ocean, I lost my bearings, I lost myself again. Since then I have been trying to fill the space with schooling to be a nutritional health coach and starting my coaching business which has been very difficult. This slightly introverted and shy being feels cornered - trapped. This feeling brings on anxiety and sometimes a sharp tongue to the one person I see daily. I realize it's not fair and I'm sorry for lashing out; I'm working on improving. Most recently it has hit me that quiet seclusion is part of my growth and healing. God has given me the opportunity to breathe, to catch my breath, reflect and learn. He has given me the space to get to know Him and to grow my self-awareness. This time has been given to me to heal from my past and to unfold my gifts so that I may use them as I move forward. This time that I've been given is to be used to pay-it-forward in helping others. I'm growing and I have so much hope, love and God's grace. I'm here for you should you need me; just reach out! In love and light, Dawn
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My name is Dawn. I'm nutritional & lifestyle coach, hairstylist, home cook, writer, blogger, mother, friend. Archives
April 2016
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